There were some pluses to this madness, I had already solved homework problems because I thought they were long standing issues, I had great advice for friends in problems that had only just started but I already knew the process of, and if I had a thought an answer appeared just as quickly. The downside was how loud the world was, voices, the sound of electricity (yep, electricity has a sound). To add to the noise was the knowledge that what I was saying was getting some very weird looks and led to some very weird conversations later in the day about how I knew that would happen. I seemed to have lost the time filter that tells people what is past, what is present, and what is future.

Am I Crazy?
By bedtime I could no longer tell the difference between a loud thought and a spoken voice. Yep, stark raving loony tunes nuts. I decided it was too late to go to the doctors or wherever it is people go when they are having a psychotic episode. I would not have known what to say anyway. It would have been “hey, I have been hearing voices, not strange voices but the voices of my family and friends, and strangers as they walk past, they don’t say anything really, just thoughts that I can hear. By the way doctor, do you know that people have really weird thoughts? Oh, there is this other voice, I don’t know where he came frp, but he is pretty weird, he just keeps repeating ‘this is who you are now’. Oh and one other thing, do you have a pill to make the world quieter? The electricity is just too loud?” (yes, electricity has a sound). I decided a good night sleep would cure everything.

Why was this happening?
Nope, sleep didn’t fix anything, the noise got louder and louder still. I stayed away from people, didn’t answer the phone, and generally locked myself away and it still got louder. That repetitive voice also got louder! I think I may have lost all reasoning ability by then and just begged it to stop. In answer to my question of why this is happening to me, the voice of my insanity (Mr on repeat) changed his tone and told me I had chosen to remember, and it was his job to make sure I never forgot. I had no idea what he was talking about and was about to confess my craziness to family, friends, doctors, anyone who would make it go away. I remember sitting on the floor in my bathroom sobbing. I was brought up a catholic, and even though very lapsed, I prayed to every god, saint, and anybody I could think of, to take the noise away. I then heard the gentlest feminine voice telling me to just accept that maybe it was all real and this was just how it is. It was so calming, until she told me she was Mother Mary. Now the delusions had names and I deemed my insanity complete. I thought why not, I will do anything for peace, and I accepted that it might all, only possibly, be real. And it all became very quiet. I had not read a spiritual book in my life and was not a spiritual or new age person. I didn’t know a crystal from a scrying stick! My interest in the occult started at a very young age and was totally lost in my quest to become normal. Also, the world of the occult is very far removed from the world of spiritualism. I didn’t know we had forgotten anything, or that we needed to remember anything. I was very confused!

I had a baptism of fire into a world I didn’t know existed. I learnt about ghosts and guides and people from a point of what others would call insanity; voices of people that were not real, there were no books for these lessons. My house filled with ghosts who demanded to be heard. They made their presence very known, scared my children, husband and most people who came to visit. And this was just the beginning. I remember thinking that if I didn’t believe it, the universe proved itself believable. I don’t think this was to ‘teach’ me the ways of the ghostly realm, or the knowledge and power of guides, more a way to make me believe this was all real. The universe also sent me the people I needed to help me understand energy, synchronicity, and how everything comes together as an beautiful puzzle that cannot be experienced or understood on our own.

I never was taught to do what I do, so I still operate in the way it all first appeared to me, I listen to what is said from those who know – spirits, guides and whoever else needs to have a voice at that point in time. I give those words a human slant for ease of understanding, and it all comes together in the way it is meant to be received. I also still teach tarot workshops exactly how I was taught; intuition is the key to understanding tarot and often a diving board for your own psychic talents. My purpose in this lifetime was literally thrust upon me, my ability to communicate with spirit is just part of what I am here for, my real gift in this lifetime, and one which I will forever be grateful to spirit for, is my ability to start your journey towards your own personal purpose and destiny.

Eventually those voices became very normal. Now, in what seems like a whole lifetime later, as the man upstairs (my new name for annoying Mr ) said, this is who I am now.

I had a baptism of fire into a world I didn’t know existed. I learnt about ghosts and guides and people from a point of what others would call insanity; voices of people that were not real, there were no books for these lessons. My house filled with ghosts who demanded to be heard. They made their presence very known, scared my children, husband and most people who came to visit. And this was just the beginning. I remember thinking that if I didn’t believe it, the universe proved itself believable. I don’t think this was to ‘teach’ me the ways of the ghostly realm, or the knowledge and power of guides, more a way to make me believe this was all real. The universe also sent me the people I needed to help me understand energy, synchronicity, and how everything comes together as an beautiful puzzle that cannot be experienced or understood on our own.

I never was taught to do what I do, so I still operate in the way it all first appeared to me, I listen to what is said from those who know – spirits, guides and whoever else needs to have a voice at that point in time. I give those words a human slant for ease of understanding, and it all comes together in the way it is meant to be received. I also still teach tarot workshops exactly how I was taught; intuition is the key to understanding tarot and often a diving board for your own psychic talents. My purpose in this lifetime was literally thrust upon me, my ability to communicate with spirit is just part of what I am here for, my real gift in this lifetime, and one which I will forever be grateful to spirit for, is my ability to start your journey towards your own personal purpose and destiny.

Eventually those voices became very normal. Now, in what seems like a whole lifetime later, as the man upstairs (my new name for annoying Mr ) said, this is who I am now.